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21 November 2007 @ 11:05 am
Vignettes - Part 13: A Talk with Don  
Title: Vignettes - Part 13: A Talk with Don
Author: ladygray99
Chapter: 13/36
Pairing: Colby, Don
Rating: FRT
Disclaimer: Belongs to many other people, not me
Warnings/Squicks:
Summary: What moments mark a friendship, a love, a marriage, a lifetime?
Previous chapters: Christmas Dinner
Notes:  Please feedback this one.
Beta(s): The eternally wonderful irena_adler.



A Talk with Don


Don liked this spot on the walkway overlooking the traffic. It was public yet private. The traffic acted like white noise, yet everyone in the building could see if they wanted, so it wasn’t like it was a clandestine meeting. Agent Colby Granger approached.

“Hey Don, you wanted to see me?” Don rubbed his hands on his pants, they were starting to sweat.

“Ok. Colby for the rest of this conversation I’m not your boss.” Don could see Colby begin to panic. “I’m the older brother of the guy you’re fucking.”

Colby took a deep breath. “Could I have my boss back? He’s less scary.”

“Nope.”

“Damn.”

“So you and Charlie are..?”

“Um…yeah.”

Don lowered his head, since he’d been secretly hoping he’d just been delusional since Christmas and all the little signs he’d been seeing had been completely in his head. “What is it? I mean is this a drunk thing, date on weekend thing, have and to hold thing?”

“I don’t know. It’s a thing.”

“Well, that’s specific.”

“Don, I’m not Let’s-Talk-About-Our-Feelings guy and Charlie’s If-It’s-Not-Numbers-It-Usually-Doesn’t-Exist guy. Between the two of us, we’ve honestly never talked about it. It’s just a thing.”

“A thing?” Don repeated.

“A good thing?” Colby suggested.

Don closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

“He’s got his thing, I’ve got my thing, and sometimes, we have a thing together.”

Don sighed.

“Look, Don, we’re not those guys.”

“Which guys?”

“Vacations in Aspen, commitment ceremony, house in the suburbs, 2.5 Cambodian orphans guys.”

Don squeezed his eyes shut.

“You’re picturing the commitment ceremony aren’t you?”

Don gave a tight nod. “Yep.”

“Does it end with my Uncle Rob getting drunk, taking a swing at your dad, knocking over the candles on the table, and burning the whole place down while my mother cries?”

“Basically, except it’s Larry crying.”

“Well, we’re not those guys Don. I mean do you know what it takes to get Charlie into a tux?”

“Ok.” Don was a little comforted by that thought. Not that he didn’t want to see Charlie happy, but the Bureau had sort of missed the caring, sharing 90’s and was stuck in the 50’s on a lot of levels. It could make things difficult for Agent Granger. “Do I want to know how long I’ve been oblivious to this?”

“Not really.”

“That long?”

Colby shrugged.

“Before or after Amita?” Don asked.

“After, but not like right after, I mean it’s not a rebound thing. At least I don’t think it’s a rebound thing, I mean rebound is like hook up twice don’t call back right?”

“I always call back.”

“Do they always answer?”

Don shrugged. “50/50. So…when..?”

Colby shuffled his feet.

“Colby?”

“After the Mainer case.”

Don felt his knees begin to go out from under him. He wrapped his arms around his chest and hunched down to the ground, trying to breathe. Colby took a few steps effectively shielding Don from anyone in the building who might be watching.

Colby had seen this reaction to that name before but it had come from Charlie, not Brass Balls Don Eppes.

“Oh, god.” Don said in a whisper.

“He worked that case too, you know.”

“I know.” Don felt a sickening knot of guilt twist his insides. After that case, he’d turned off his phone for three day and spent them crying in the arms of an old lady friend. He hadn’t given two thoughts to Charlie. “I didn’t think…” He looked up at Colby who had locked his jaw, obviously trying not to relive that case himself. “It’s just numbers.” Don said.

“It’s not just numbers.”

“I know. I know. Shit! It’s just… I forget you know?”

“Yeah. Sometimes he forgets too.”

Don was rhythmically beating the back of his head on the guardrail for being so stupid.

Colby looked around franticly, hoping no one else was watching Don fall apart. “Hey, Don? Could you stop that ‘cause when Charlie beats his head against walls I have to kiss him to get him to stop and, nothing personal, but that’s really not an option here.”

Don stopped banging his head and looked up at Colby.

“You know Charlie and I don’t really talk” Colby said. “But when we do…it’s hard…it’s like he doesn’t have the words to say what’s in his head, he’s usually never needs them.”

“Is he ok?”

“Yeah. He’s Charlie.”

“Right.” Don took a deep breath and stood up.

“Ok. Same rules for if you were dating the sister I don’t have. One: Hurt him and I’ll beat you to death with a shovel.”

Colby nodded. “Fair enough.”

“Two: I don’t want details. Ever! I’m serious. I do not want to know.”

“No problem.”

“Three: Get him pregnant and you have to marry him.”

Colby laughed. “Yes, sir.”

“Four.” Don paused for a moment “Don’t let him hurt you.”

“What?”

“You may not have noticed but Charlie’s mouth is not always connected to his brain and his ears. He doesn’t have an evil bone in his body, but he can be a right royal bastard without meaning to.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Don looked pensively out into space for a moment wondering why Charlie could never pick the easy way of doing things. “You know why he’s doing this?”

“Uh…no?”

“Grandchildren. He’s thinking ‘I hook up with a guy grandchild responsibility is all on Don.’ The little snot. This is malicious, like when he did my homework and wrote all the answers in reverse.”

Colby laughed. “I thought you said he wasn’t evil?”

“I’m his brother. Completely different rules apply.”

Colby nodded. “So. We’re ok?” Colby asked tentatively.

“Yeah. And don’t worry about the Bureau. I mean, official policy…”

“Is on paper." Colby cut in "Half the AD’s are Mormons, and they burned Hoover’s dresses. I know.”

“I hear the Smithsonian’s got a few them. You’re a good agent. I’m not about to try to fuck your career.”

“Thanks, Don.”

“Oh. You know my dad’s invited you to Seder this Friday?”

“Yeah. Charlie mentioned it. Said it was something he liked to do?”

Don gave a chuckle that made Colby’s face twist with worry. “I don’t know what Charlie ‘mentioned’ but the last girlfriend of mine to get a Seder invite was the one I almost married. Google it, scrub up, do not be late.”


 
 
 
fredbassettfredbassett on November 20th, 2007 10:37 pm (UTC)
Oh god, this series just gets better and better!!

Favourite lines:

Colby took a deep breath. “Could I have my boss back? He’s less scary.”

and

“Ok. Same rules for if you were dating the sister I don’t have. One: Hurt him and I’ll beat you to death with a shovel.”

and

“Three: Get him pregnant and you have to marry him.”

and ............actually just the whole damned lot!! That was such a gorgeous Big Brother conversation. Perfect, just perfect.
tonisimonetonisimone on November 20th, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC)
i totally agree with fred
(no subject) - ladygray99 on November 20th, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Gwaihirilgwaihiril on November 20th, 2007 11:25 pm (UTC)
You have some great lines in there. In addition to the ones fredbasset mentioned, which are all priceless, I think Colby saying, "Hey, Don? Could you stop that ‘cause when Charlie beats his head against walls I have to kiss him to get him to stop and, nothing personal, but that’s really not an option here," is awesome. I also like rule four - even in his role as protective older brother, Don is aware of Charlie's faults and wants to make sure Colby isn't hurt.
ladygray99ladygray99 on November 20th, 2007 11:27 pm (UTC)
Rule four will come back so keep it in mind. I'm glad everyone's enjoying this. It took a while to write but I had lots of fun doing it.
NV: [n3] colby/charlie // follow youneur0vanity on November 20th, 2007 11:28 pm (UTC)
Just got caught up with everything, and this is so fantastic. You have a real knack for humor, and that means the world to me.
ladygray99ladygray99 on November 20th, 2007 11:30 pm (UTC)
If only I could write comedy when I'm being paid for it. I could take over the world. ;-)
Devo79devo79 on November 20th, 2007 11:56 pm (UTC)
“Could I have my boss back? He’s less scary.”
Damn right Don-the-big-brother is scary.

2.5 Cambodian orphans guys! You can get a 1.5 Cambodia kid?

“Three: Get him pregnant and you have to marry him.”
There's a Mpreg hiding in this fic! Damn!

ladygray99ladygray99 on November 21st, 2007 02:23 am (UTC)
I'm sure there's a REALLY un-PC joke I can make about .5 Cambodian orphans but I'll skip it.

And no I'm not getting Charlie pregnant though when you said that I suddenly flashed on a weird idea for a Numb3rs/Tourchwood cross over idea. Jack/Charlie? Jack's is one of only two canon mpregs I know of. *Arg!!!!* That's a bunny that needs to be beat to death.
(no subject) - devo79 on November 21st, 2007 07:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on November 21st, 2007 07:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - devo79 on November 21st, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on November 21st, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
athenedeinonychus_1 on November 21st, 2007 12:22 am (UTC)
Okay, this was great. I would quote my favourite bits, but it seems that Fredbasset beat me to it and quoted all the lines that I would have, so I won't take up more space on your comments thread. But this was so funny, and yet again Colby seems to be getting that slightly startled panic expression around the Eppes clan. I'm looking forward to more now.
ladygray99ladygray99 on November 21st, 2007 02:25 am (UTC)
I'm really glad everyone seems to like this bit. I worked hard on it. The next part is a little short but then you get more sex after that. ;-)
Dani: Charlie not so innocentumbralillium on November 21st, 2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
Colby laughed. “I thought you said he wasn’t evil?”

“I’m his brother. Completely different rules apply.”


BWAHAHAHA! Spoken like a true older sibling. 'Cause it's totally true. *very carefully doesn't mention she's the youngest of four* *whistles innocently* ^__~
ladygray99ladygray99 on November 21st, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
Innocent my ass. all younger siblings are EVIL. It is their place in the world ;^)
(no subject) - umbralillium on November 21st, 2007 10:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
thadythady on November 22nd, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
Oh this is great!

“Don, I’m not Let’s-Talk-About-Our-Feelings guy and Charlie’s If-It’s-Not-Numbers-It-Usually-Doesn’t-Exist guy. Between the two of us, we’ve honestly never talked about it. It’s just a thing.”
I can soo see this. Oh boys...
ladygray99ladygray99 on November 22nd, 2007 07:42 pm (UTC)
The not talking is going to lead to a few problems.
boymommytotwoboymommytotwo on March 9th, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC)
there are just far too many fantastic things about this one. every word is a frickin' masterpiece.

:_l-o-v-e-s_ it:

ladygray99ladygray99 on March 9th, 2008 07:42 pm (UTC)
I am feeling the love today :-) thank you, thank you.
(no subject) - boymommytotwo on March 9th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
laura_trekkielaura_trekkie on January 19th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
It had to happen. Colby was just lucky that it took Don so long to clue in. Still, it wasn't too painful and they're ok at the end of it, so I'll call it a win :).

Laura.
ladygray99ladygray99 on January 19th, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
definitely a win. Keep an eye on the 4 rules they'll come up later.
emmatheancienemmatheancien on January 17th, 2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
I was really looking for the big brother talk, I'm not disapointed ^^

Again, well writen and the last phrase, really funny, I look forward to read that to (which will happen in a couple of minuts.)
ladygray99ladygray99 on January 18th, 2010 02:15 am (UTC)
Writing the big brother talk is always fun. :)
(no subject) - emmatheancien on January 18th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on January 19th, 2010 02:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - emmatheancien on February 25th, 2010 12:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
ladysybylgreyladysybylgrey on January 25th, 2012 01:07 am (UTC)
Don't think I mentioned it before, but I <3 the "shovel speech" reference in here... just remember, "a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend."
ladygray99ladygray99 on January 25th, 2012 04:30 am (UTC)
Best Willow line ever.
(no subject) - ladysybylgrey on January 25th, 2012 04:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on January 25th, 2012 05:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladysybylgrey on January 25th, 2012 05:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
fractalmoonfractalmoon on October 29th, 2012 10:11 pm (UTC)
So many good lines! Someone already cited my favorite:

"Colby looked around franticly, hoping no one else was watching Don fall apart. “Hey, Don? Could you stop that ‘cause when Charlie beats his head against walls I have to kiss him to get him to stop and, nothing personal, but that’s really not an option here.”"

But here's where I found out why Fanlore has this linked to a reference about reaction to the Eppes' Jewishness. I like the idea of Alan having a Friday night Seder.

“Oh. You know my dad’s invited you to Seder this Friday?”

and

"Don gave a chuckle that made Colby’s face twist with worry. “I don’t know what Charlie ‘mentioned’ but the last girlfriend of mine to get a Seder invite was the one I almost married. Google it, scrub up, do not be late.” "
ladygray99ladygray99 on November 6th, 2012 02:25 pm (UTC)
I think I wrote this around season two or three so religion wasn't really a factor in the show yet.