?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
03 December 2008 @ 08:01 am
A Woman Waits for Me 13/39  
Title: A Woman Waits for Me
Chapter
: 13/39
Author: ladygray99 
Pairing: Charlie/Colby, Alan/OFC, Ian
Summary: When Don’s life slides into the darkness only family will help him find his way out. – Alan gets a date.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,451
Warning: none
Disclaimer: Numb3rs belongs to other people who are not me. I’m not making any money from this though I wish I were.
Previous Chapters: Part 4 of Whitman ‘verse. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Authors Notes: So mikes_grrl has developed fic precognition. I’m not sure how but it’s kinda cool. This is a rather silly little chapter but I’d like to know what you all think as always especially since I’m introducing a new character.
Betas:swingandswirl  and riverotter1951 


Part 13
The Taste of Lipstick, Fear and Chicken Wings

Don looked at his brother and saw a twitch. “Fold.”

Don looked at David. “I’m out.”

“Same.” said Megan.

“I’m out.” said Colby.

“Ah, come on guys.” Charlie whined. “It’s no fun if you don’t play.”

“You mean it’s no fun if we don’t cough up our hard earned cash against whatever insane hand you’ve got.” David said.

“What makes you think I’ve got an insane hand?”

“We all know your tells by now, buddy.” Don informed him with a smirk.

“I do not have tells.” Charlie claimed in his defense.

“Um...yeah, you do.” Megan said shuffling the cards.

“Hey Charlie, what time did Dad say he’d be back? It’s almost midnight.” Don asked, looking at the clock.

Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know. He said a movie then dinner.”

“Maybe it’s going well.” David pointed out.

“I’d call, but I’m not sure if guy code applies to my own father.” Don said.

“It applies.” Colby and David said in unison.

“I’ll give him another half hour.”

Megan dealt the cards. Don was contemplating how much he was willing to bluff on a crap hand when the front door opened.

“Hey, Dad, that you?” Don called out.

“No it’s the ghost of Franz Kafka.” Alan called back before coming into the dinning room.

“Hey, Dad,” said Charlie, not looking up from his hand.

“Hey Mr. Eppes.” Greeted Megan and David.

“So dad, how’d it go?” Don asked.

“It went well.” Alan said with a nod.

“Midnight is well?” Don prodded.

“Kathryn’s a very interesting women. We had a lot to talk about.”

“Seeing her again?” Charlie asked.

“We’re having lunch on Monday.”

Don gave his dad a little punch in the arm. “Not bad.”

“Um...Alan?” Megan said. “You might want to fix the buttons on your shirt.”

Don lowered his gaze and realized that the buttons on his father’s shirt were off by one. His jaw dropped.

“Dad!”

“What?”

Charlie made some tasking noises. “Putting out on a first date.”

“Taking hints from Don’s playbook?” Colby joked.

“Watch it, Granger.” growled Don.

“Nah, if he was taking tips from Don’s book he wouldn’t have a second date.” Charlie said.

“Good point.” Said Alan

“Hey!”

“Still, I mean really dad, what message are you sending?” Charlie asked.

Alan set his chin proudly. “That I’m too old to be virtuous.” And with that he snagged the last of the chicken wings off the table and walked out.

Megan shook her head. “The Eppes charm strikes again. Why there’s not a dozen mini Eppes running around I’ll never know.”

“Thigh holsters.” said Charlie. “I’m sure they lower sperm count.” Don choked on his beer, sending it up his nose. The rest of the table made faces.

“Thanks, Charlie.” whined David. “Now every time we’re on an operation I’m going to be wondering about Don’s sperm count.”

Don used a napkin to soak up the beer dripping from his nose. “There’s nothing wrong with my sperm count.” he defended.

“You’ve checked lately?” asked Charlie.

“No!”

“I don’t know, Don,” Charlie shook his head “You wore awfully tight jeans in the 80’s. I’ve got pictures.”

“So did everyone else and the human race is still here, and you’re one to talk.”

“Kinda a moot point for me.”

“Hey, Colby might want kids.”

“Well he can carry them, I’m not doing that to my figure.” Don rolled his eyes. The rest of the table laughed as Charlie preened with extra camp.

“Charlie.” Colby said fairly seriously. “You do know Ian’s going to kill you, right?”

Charlie gave a dismissive wave. “It’ll be fine.”

“Wait, what’s Ian got to do with anything?” Don asked.

Colby looked at him. “Do you know who your dad just scored with?”

“Some woman Charlie set him up with?” Don looked at his brother, who was suddenly fascinated with the salt crystals on the pretzels.

“Oh yeah, some woman being the much loved mother of your favorite slightly psychotic sniper and mine.” Every head swiveled to face Charlie.

“You set your dad up with Edgerton’s mother?” Megan asked sounding slightly horrified.

Don put his head in his hands. “Fuck. This one’s all on you, buddy. I mean, I can loan you a vest but he can do a head shot easy as anything, I mean, you’re screwed.”

“He has a mother?” David asked.

Charlie looked annoyed. “No, David, he sprang fully formed from a CIA cloning vat, it was the one next to mine.”

“That I would believe.” said David.

“It’ll be fine, Don,” said Charlie picking up his cards again. “Now who’s got the first bet?”

~

David was huddled with Don, Charlie and Colby going over some offshore money transfer reports when a voice hissed across the office.

“Charles Edwards Eppes!” David looked over his shoulder. Ian Edgerton stood there with insane fire in his eyes.

“Fuck.” Charlie said. David turned around and Charlie was already springing for the stairs at not inconsiderable speed. Ian blew past hot on Charlie’s tail and Don and Colby sprinted to follow.

David looked at Megan. “Who’ve you got your money on?”

“Well Charlie’s got backup.”

“Yeah but this is over someone’s mother.” David pointed out.

“I’ll get my black suit dry cleaned.”

“Hey!” An agent by the windows shouted, waving everyone over.

Everyone rushed to the windows. Ian had caught Charlie and had him by the lapels bent backwards over one of the rails with a not inconsiderable drop below. Charlie seemed to be franticly trying to talk his way out of an early grave.

“Who’s got a scope?” Megan handed a retracting one over. David looked through it in time to see Don and Colby arrive. It took the two of them to pry Ian’s hands off Charlie. Ian was held firm by Granger’s not inconsiderable bulk but David had a sneaky suspicion Ian could probably drop Colby like a brick if he really wanted to.

“Shit, I wish I could read lips.” said David. Charlie looked like he was in lecture mode obviously trying to justify his actions. And Ian appeared to be reciting the Riot Act in return.

Megan tapped David on the shoulder. “Heads up.”

David looked away from the scope. Coming across the walkway, unnoticed by the four men was Alan Eppes, his arm hooked around the arm of an older woman about his height. The woman had a long silver braid tossed over one shoulder. David looked back through the scope. The woman also had a slightly aged but very recognizable face. The woman said something. Ian actually jumped straight out of Colby’s grip.

“Oh!” David said. “That had to have been the full name. Nothing else on earth makes a man jump like that.”

Megan cringed. “I can’t read lips but ten to one Ian’s getting spanked down there.” Ian’s shoulders had hunched, Don and Colby looked equally uncomfortable, while Charlie just seemed to be trying to keep out of Ian’s field of vision.

Once the woman had wound down Alan appeared to make introductions. Don and Colby both politely shook her hand. Charlie bowed gallantly at the waist and put a kiss on her hand.

“Fuck! Did any one know Charlie was working on a death wish?” David asked the room.

“I’ll talk to him about it.” Megan said.

There was some more discussion on the walkway. The three agents and Charlie all shook their heads and made vague gestures towards the building.

“That would be the lunch invite followed by no, no, big case, much work.” Megan translated from body language. There was some more discussion and some uncomfortable looks and nods between the younger men. “And that would be, we should have dinner at the house. Great idea, that would be lovely and everyone thinking ‘dear god I hope there’s a call out.’”

There was another round of handshakes, some hard looks from parents to their respective children, Colby even picking up one from Alan, and a hasty retreat was made by three hard-boiled FBI agents and a fairly tough mathematician.

By the time the elevator door opened letting out Charlie, Colby, Don and Ian, David was back at his desk and the entire office was behaving like nothing had happened.

~

Don had always wondered what kind of family could produce a man like Ian Edgerton. His money had always been on wolves, or maybe ninjas. It turns out the answer was hippies, or rather hippie, singular. Kathryn Edgerton- never-married, semi-retired, chronically impoverished, art teacher from the backwoods of Sonoma. Don had no idea that Sonoma even had backwoods.

He looked carefully at the woman his father was making eyes at. She was obviously younger than his Dad and still very good looking but Ian was older than Don, which meant she must have had him young.

Everyone, including Ian, had been trying to avoid this dinner, but after several weeks there was an unfortunate evening off work that no one could get out of.

Don realized that this night would be worth it if for no other reason than to watch Ian squirm in abject embarrassment.

“Mom, it was a commune. Everything was made of hemp and we had to ask the chickens’ permission before taking the eggs.”

“Just because they’re chickens is no reason to have bad manners.”

“I still have scars on my ankles from those vicious little things. I was never so glad to move out of anywhere.”

Don shoved a large spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth to try to muffle the giggles.

Colby had put on a completely blank ‘resisting interrogation’ face that made him look a little brain dead. Charlie had casually wrapped a finger around a chunk of hair and was pulling hard and Colby was letting him get away with it, since it was in aid of the cause of not laughing at the realization that Ian Mayweather Edgerton was a complete mama’s boy. Yes, Ian called home every week, even in the mountains of Afghanistan or the jungles of South America.

Don had squirmed a bit under the look from his father. He didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what his dad was thinking. ‘He can call from Afghanistan and you couldn’t call from Tennessee?’

“I thought you liked it there?” Kathryn Edgerton continued. “You had some friends.”

“I had Emily Mikeus who like to pull my hair and drop spiders down my shirt.”

“I don’t know, Ian,” Don said. “That sounds like love to me.”

“If that’s your idea of love, Eppes, your track record suddenly makes a lot more sense.”

“Hey, I’m up to seven months with Anne!” Don defended himself.

“He’s close to a personal best,” Charlie added.

“I wouldn’t throw stones, Ian.” Kathryn said. “When was your last date?”

“Mom...” Ian objected.

“I mean, I have long given up the thought of grandchildren.”

Alan snorted. “Tell me about it.”

“...but I’d feel so much better if you’d just find someone nice. I mean, I wouldn’t worry as much.” Don though he might have a stroke if he didn’t laugh soon. “I mean, what happened to that nice girl, Mindy?”

Ian sighed. “That was in college, mom, and I was more in love with her car.”

“Nice car?” Colby asked.

“‘64 Mustang, mint condition, dark red.”

“Nice.”

“Very.”

“Well what about, oh, what was his name? Darin?”

Ian buried his face in his hand. Don ran his junior year batting stats in his head in a desperate attempt to keep his face neutral at the information that Ian was apparently playing both sides of the field.

“Danny.” Ian mumbled out from under his hand. “And he’s a househusband with five kids.”

“And not a one of them is yours.”

Ian let out a soft groan of pain. “That was decades ago, mom.”

“Well, if I have to go back that far, then it’s been too long.”

Don’s phone rang. “Eppes.” He answered, quickly excusing himself to the kitchen. Don sighed at what the voice on the other end of the phone was telling him. He hung up and went back out to the dinning room. At least he’d get the credit for rescuing Ian.

“Oh no,” said Alan. “I know that look.”

Don shrugged. “Sorry guys, we’ve got another one. Mendez by the looks of it.”

“What?” complained Charlie. “He’s not due for another two weeks.”

“He’s broken pattern. I need everyone up there, even you, Ian.” Ian, Colby and Charlie got up from the table. “Sorry, Dad.”

“I know, I know, duty calls.”

“Save us some pudding?”

“Sure.”

Everyone made polite goodnights and the four men headed out the door. Before they could get in their cars, Ian paused on the front porch.

“Gentlemen. Just in case you’ve forgotten, I can kill anyone, anywhere, at any time.”

Don smiled. “I promise you, Ian, that thought will never slip my mind.”

 

 
 
 
bwuk2003bwuk2003 on December 2nd, 2008 07:38 pm (UTC)
thank you, after a bad day this is just what I needed, you had me giggling like a school girl through out.

Look forward to the next chapter and more of kathryn

bw
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 2nd, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
Awww. Hugs! I hope tomorrow is better.
Devo79devo79 on December 2nd, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
"His money had always been on wolves, or maybe ninjas."
Oh yeah, I can totally see that =)

I'm not sure so don't shoot me but I think you're misspelling college. You keep writing collage and that's something very different. I actually think you've been writing it like that in every chapter.
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 2nd, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
do'h! Thanks for the catch.
Ame: Happiness is a Warm Gun by sparrowsiconsamejisuto on December 2nd, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
I think I hurt something, I was laughing so hard. I need to go and read the rest of this now. Thank you so much for it!
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 2nd, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)
It's my pleasure, really. Tell me what you think of the rest.
(no subject) - amejisuto on December 3rd, 2008 01:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 01:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - amejisuto on December 3rd, 2008 03:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 04:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on December 2nd, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
oh my! I giggled so hard at The Mom. You can so see this 5-10 dryad chastising her son, who's a good 5 inches taller. Yay for Mom!
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 2nd, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
Well there's got to be someone on earth who can keep Ian in line.
(Deleted comment)
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 2nd, 2008 08:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I love them to.
ninou1ninou1 on December 2nd, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
Two last lines are killers. Watch out boys!!!

Nice Chapter
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 2nd, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
Ian just needed to remind everyone who he is. :-)
Icarus Iso: 7icarus_iso on December 2nd, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
*is in tears of laughter*

Oh that was classic. Brilliant. A masterpiece. And Ian's last line - “Gentlemen. Just in case you’ve forgotten, I can kill anyone, anywhere, at any time.” - was so perfect.
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 12:13 am (UTC)
:-) Thank you.
Erinstarlettmalfoy on December 2nd, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
Gosh, reading that chapter at work was fun!! And awkward lol. Everyone wanted to know why I couldn't stop laughing. When you said Alan had a date, I never imagined... ::shakes head::

It was wonderful, dear. And I love that Edgerton plays both sides. Brilliant. ::grins::
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
I thought Alan needed a little love to. Glad I could give you a laugh.
riverotter1951: north American river otterriverotter1951 on December 2nd, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
This is priceless: Don had always wondered what kind of family could produce a man like Ian Edgerton. His money had always been on wolves, or maybe ninjas. It turns out the answer was hippies, or rather hippie, singular. Kathryn Edgerton- never-married, semi-retired, chronically impoverished, art teacher from the backwoods of Sonoma. As is this: that Ian Mayweather Edgerton was a complete mama’s boy. Yes, Ian called home every week, even in the mountains of Afghanistan or the jungles of South America.

This information deepens Ian's personality and makes him more real. Thanks for the insights.
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 12:15 am (UTC)
It's hard to stay mysterious, enigmatic snipper when your mom pull out baby photos.
idle_devilidle_devil on December 2nd, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
*Falls out of chair laughing*

Poor Ian! No one can embarass you quite like a parent. Can't wait for more!
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
Well what else are parents there for?
tonisimonetonisimone on December 2nd, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
I know ian & charlie talked about thier parents but...

did i miss charlie meeting Kathryn?

or have they met before?

cluelessly waiting for more


toni
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
They met off screen and Charlie set up Alan's date behind Ian's back.
(no subject) - tonisimone on December 3rd, 2008 05:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 05:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on December 2nd, 2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
This new chapter is hilarious. I was laughing the whole way through. Went on youtube and looked up some videos of Ian afterwards - he is a bit different than I imaged. One of these days would I have to sit down and watch a few episodes of Numb3rs to see what these characters are like in canon. Whatever images of them I have in my head right now are your creation and they are wonderful.

wcpjfditdov -
can't log into LJ rightnow because I forgot the password eventhough I just used it yesterday @_@
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
WOAH!!!! Wait a second! Hold on! Time Out!

You've never seen Numb3rs and you're reading THIS???

**headdesk**

Okay. Yes. Go back and watch the show. Really. This story takes them all pretty far away from cannon but I've built on the assumption that people have seen at least a couple of episodes and know the preexisting group dynamics.

That being said thank you for reading.
haha - wcpjfditdov on December 4th, 2008 12:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: haha - ladygray99 on December 4th, 2008 12:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
callisto24: diamondcallisto24 on December 3rd, 2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
*ROFL*

So funny! Thank you very much.
I wish they could have stayed and go on with this conversation. *giggles*
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks for laughing.
autumnwritingautumnwriting on December 3rd, 2008 08:37 pm (UTC)
“Mom, it was a commune. Everything was made of hemp and we had to ask the chickens’ permission before taking the eggs.”

Heeyyyy...I recognize this line. hahaha.
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
Well it was in the second trailer. Bet you didn't think it was going to come from Ian though.
fredbassettfredbassett on December 3rd, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
“Thigh holsters.” said Charlie. “I’m sure they lower sperm count.”

I started sporfling then, and barely stopped. Fantastic chapter!!
ladygray99ladygray99 on December 3rd, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
:) I wanted to do something lite before I dropped the other shoe.